Stormproof Matches and Happy Endings
Imogen was the farmer’s daughter – and you know what they said about farmers’ daughters! Everything you hear is true – and then some. She wore a fuzzy thick jersey, corduroy trousers and wellington boots. Her hair was a tangled mess of frizzy curls. Her cheeks rosy and freshly pinched. I know, because I pinched them. If you thought she’d just rolled out of bed and assembled her outfit from whatever came to hand, you would be half right. Truth was, we’d been rolling around the hay together – quite literally – not more than half an hour ago. My hands had massaged her warm skin and cupped her perky breasts under that loose jumper, while we rogered ourselves proper. Our early morning explosion had brought the blood to her cheeks.
Whether it was her outfit, or the fact that we were on her father’s farm with other rutting animals, I don’t know but I was still as randy as hell. We were walking the perimeter of the farm when the weather turned for the worse. She started thinking of shelter, while I fantasised about new ways to get acrobatic behind the bushes.
We chose a dense thicket to sit out the rain. She sat in my lap and rode the rooster for awhile. But, despite the warmth of our bodies, we
began to feel the cold and decided to start a little fire for ourselves. I had a lighter on me but it wouldn’t hold the flame for long enough to get the kindling to burn. Drats! Times like this that I wish I had stormproof matches.
The rest of our afternoon was a damp squib compared to the morning. We will always have memories of an early rising, though! Still, stormproof matches could have provided a better, happier ending. Perhaps we would have kept in touch had we been able to keep warm?
UCO makes a particularly impressive canister of 25 stormproof matches. The container itself is waterproof and has an easy grip exterior. Even more impressive is that the matches themselves will remain lit for 15 seconds – even when submerged in water – according to the manufacturer.
REI offers something similar with a box of matches, instead of a handy, waterproof container. Even though these matches should be able to light after being submerged in water, you would be wise to put them in a ziploc bag or something to keep them dry until you need them.