17 COUNTRIES. 6 WEEKS. ONE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR.
That’s the manufacturer’s tagline above, not mine. The only time I can recall breaking records when it comes to wearing the same pair of underpants was when I went camping as a teenager. I managed to go for 10 days in a row. I can’t tell you what it was like peeling them off at the end. Imagine opening an air-lock on a mummified body that hadn’t been properly preserved.
For this reason, I’m not sure that conserving underwear while on the road is such a good idea.
ExOfficio – makers of adventure underwear line, “Give-n-Go” – claim that their nylon mesh, Aegis Microbe Shield undies will not only keep you cool and dry by wicking moisture away, they will also kill odour creating bacteria in the fabric itself. Here’s their press release heralding a new era in underwear conservation – because now you don’t need to take more than one pair on your next trip. Wash them in the sink and they’ll be air dry in a couple of hours.
What’s wrong with this picture? The need to pack as few pairs of underwear as possible – that’s the problem! Underwear takes up the least amount of space. What I need is some means of cutting down pairs of shoes, jackets and other mega-bulky items. But, underwear?! Give me a break. This is a lame spiel.
However, I would be interested in the odour-reducing qualities. Lets face it, testicles get funky when kept inside for too long. They like to enjoy the great outdoors, get outside and catch a bit of breeze. Being cooped up in a pair of tight briefs for 18 hours makes them sweat. The results are not nice. And since toiletry manufacturers have not yet caught on to the need for mens balls deodorant, the Give-n-Go might give us what we need.
It’s worth pointing out that they have womens undies, too. And, better still, thongs (like in the picture) – although, this isn’t exactly my image of a Thong. In fact, I can’t think of anything better for women than an Aegis Microbe Shield Thong. The thought of a piece of string up someone’s backside for half-a-day does not fill me with ardour. I know that some guys are going to call me asexual for saying this but let’s be honest with ourselves – how sexy are thongs, really? When they are on the beach and that is all she is wearing – yes, that is sexy. Otherwise, when they appear in a plumber’s crack poking out of a pair of jeans… not sexy. That is when I reach for my fungacidal spray.
Just because you CAN wash your underwear in the sink doesn’t always mean you SHOULD. I met a very attractive lady on a business trip recently. We were both living out of carry-ons, while attending a convention. We ditched one particular seminar to grab a drink in the lobby bar, because the speaker was slowly anaesthetising us into a coma. The convenient thing about lobby bars is that when one thing leads to another, the elevator leads to your room. Or hers, as was the case this time around. She had long strawberry hair, fantastic physique and a mouth that I could watch eat fruit all day. Everything was in working order and I was randier than a reindeer in rutting season. And then I saw her pants in the sink. Actually, they were on the side of the sink, drying.
I know it shouldn’t have killed the moment but it did. There’s something about underwear on display that just gives me the heebie-jeebies. I told her I thought my colostomy bag was full and got the hell out of there.